Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
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She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
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Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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