His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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