i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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