i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
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How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
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I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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