what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
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Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
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By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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