so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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