the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I wish there were birth control emojis
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize