You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
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I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
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had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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