He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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