We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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