dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
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No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
How's work?
Spinning.
Be still, my beating vagina.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize