Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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