my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize