when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
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