I've blown a few things in my day
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
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My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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