Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
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He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
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no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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