apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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