Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"

(1-401): View more from Rhode Island

um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her

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(401): so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night" (1-401): um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her http://tfl.nu/rdn4

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(440): View more from Ohio

We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.

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(440): We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night. http://tfl.nu/4khi

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(802): View more from Vermont

Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."

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(802): Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami." http://tfl.nu/q4af

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina

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(215): omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina http://tfl.nu/buf1

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(516): View more from New York

she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?

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(516): she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe? http://tfl.nu/rh9d

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.

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(403): Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius. http://tfl.nu/w17t

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(518): View more from New York

As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.

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(518): As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon. http://tfl.nu/t4x8

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...

(413): View more from Massachusetts

how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers

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(781): he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness... (413): how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers http://tfl.nu/137y

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(789): View more from

Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.

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(789): Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back. http://tfl.nu/mvrr

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.

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(774): Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist. http://tfl.nu/bzfc

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(812): View more from Indiana

You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.

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(812): You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time. http://tfl.nu/0lxp

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.

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(603): It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders. http://tfl.nu/0knl

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(303): View more from Colorado

She's just so happy...and so naked.

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(303): She's just so happy...and so naked. http://tfl.nu/5upc

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(571): View more from Virginia

The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or

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(571): The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or http://tfl.nu/mgim

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(561): View more from Florida

I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point

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(561): I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point http://tfl.nu/m5fj

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