I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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