i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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