So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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