They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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