my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
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Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
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His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
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