Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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