when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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