He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
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So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
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Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
we're so committed to being not committed
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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