I think I died a long time ago.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
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It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
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tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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