So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
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He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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