That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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