Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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