I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
All I want is dick and wine.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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