dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Come share oat with me in your robe
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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