Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Enjoy the penises
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize