I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize