Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
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