her vagine was all disorganized.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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