so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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