Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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