I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
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On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
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I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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