I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize