operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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