You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Randomize