I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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