OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
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I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
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I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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