roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
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GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
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I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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