Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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