He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize