just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
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