Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
two words...techno handjob
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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