I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Of course I have a pirate flag
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
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